I think I am learning. Well, a very small portion of it, anyway.
Lately I've been noticing how selfish many of my habitual, every-day motives are. I think of myself more than I ought. More often than not, I value my own will and (self-determined) well-being more than I value those of others around me. The other day, God opened my heart to how ridiculous some of my actions and reactions are. For example...
Why do I scoff when my mom asks me not to add a certain ingredient that I prefer to the meal I am making for my family?
Why do I grumble when my parents advise me not to purchase a certain thing, or when they tell me that it's not the best time for me to get driving hours?
Do I realize the irony of inwardly complaining when I've been told to watch my younger siblings outside when instead, I want to read a book on relationship with God and building faith and character?
Well, now I do.
Why do I let such small matters cause me to sin and fall subject to my own selfish desires?
The answer is simple: my flesh is alive and well, and by not living my life as unto the Lord in every minuscule aspect of it, I am giving my flesh the power to rule over me.
But God is faithful to bring to completion the good work in me that He began, and He isn't done with me yet!
I suppose He won't be until the minute in which I take my last breath in this world, and move on to be with Him in His heaven. And I hope, with all of my being, that He will be able to say, "Welcome, daughter; and well done, my good and faithful servant."
On a related note, I've seen the parallels between selflessness and joy. To expound on this briefly, I've discovered that when you are not focused on your own desires, there is more ease and joy in serving and obliging others. A certain heaviness and constant discontentment leaves your soul, because you are not seeking your happiness in the obtaining of your own wants, which are impossible to always satisfy. Instead, your goal is to please others, and that always seems to be easier than pleasing yourself.
Also, when you are truly denying yourself, your whole outlook on life and general every-day attitude is transformed. It's more positive, more apt to seeing the good and pure in people, in situations, and in circumstances, than if you were constantly seeking the gratification of your own will.
So, I am being taught a lesson in selflessness. And I am learning it much more deeply now than I ever thought I may have learned it before.
I do not want to lose sight of this thing happening in me, and my constant prayer is that I do not become complacent or apathetic in my walk with Jesus. Whoever may be reading this, I hope you will pray for me as well.
~It is He who works in me~
